Wednesday, October 17, 2007




Monday, June 25, 2007

A Day at Nigeria House

Did you ever feel that your time was wasted by unnecessary and inefficient bureaucracy? If you have than this post will interest you...

Today I went to renew my passport at the Nigeria Consulate in New York. Normally, the visa department was situated before on the 8Th floor. They have moved it and put it in where used to be Nigeria Airways. You might ask what is wrong with that? Nothing except that they have refused to update the room. Broken furniture is scattered at the entrance of the room and old posters. The central air conditioner is obviously not functioning, instead they have this portable device that you would find in the banks in Nigeria .... it generates more noise than cold air.

We are greeted by an incompetent clerk who obviously wants to prove that he has more power than he actually has. What is my reason for this insult?Application forms are distributed there or you can print it out from the website and bring it with you with the appropriate fees a simple process you might say- Hell no!! Everything is a big song and dance. There is a ticket holder there but it is located in an inconspicuous area that hardly anyone notices. I notice it however because I know how they operate there. But I feel sorry for the people who have just collected a ticket from the guard area and think that is all they need. The clerk does not inform anyone just starts calling numbers amid a lot of confusion.

I feel as if I am in Nigeria already...

He collects the passport renewal form and tells me to come back tomorrow. Do you think I have off tomorrow to come back up to Manhattan pay $25.00 for garaged parking for 1 hour just to pick up a passport? Are you kidding me? It is not like they need a passport photo or anything just a stamp that renews by ten years with a written signature. Such a nonsensical process...

I just had to vent. I have less than a week to go and my nerves are completely frayed. I am filled with a lot of emotions, ranging from excitement to depression. I never feel as if I am prepared enough for what Nigeria has to offer. I am not looking forward to the long queues for fuel, the constant begging from people I don't even know. I am a generous person and not at all a tight fist. But there is no boundaries ever in Nigeria. Everything goes... it is definitely a free for all. Unless you are somebody in Nigeria you are left stranded.

Now I spend most of my times catching up on my workload, packing and repacking.... and just biding my time. I missed all of you guys through my blog absence. I will probably write more frequently in Nigeria than I do now. I will also post a lot of interesting pictures for all of you guys who cannot be there with me.

Now time to go do my blog rounds.....

Simply Gorgeous

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Nne's Bash 2- Final Temptation

Sorry, to all who have thought that I might have disappeared from the face of the Earth. Thank God I did not. My life is some kind of crazy whirlwind. Between work and packing and re-packing it has truly been chaotic. My poor S.O. Sexy! I told him don't worry it will be over soon and all the chaos will soon end when we land in Abuja and know we are in Nigeria by the continuous burning smell. Oh yes bloggers, did you know that every country has its own distinctive smell, just like people (chuckle)...I had to bring it to S.O. Sexy's attention. Even my Little Gorgeous is getting tired she has began to be very clingy.

I am looking forward to seriously eating all of my favorite foods. I am going to sink my dentures into goat meat pepper soup. There is nothing like eating goat meat pepper soup in Nigeria. The fire in your mouth that travels down your throat and sits in your belly is on a whole other level.

Whew... just thinking about it makes me sweat. This time hopefully I won't have to stay in the hotel for 3 months like I did before just two weeks this time. Hopefully, my house will finally be completed. Let's pray!

OK I promised you the jist on the party. I know , I know... you guys have been more than patient. I am eternally grateful. Ok, so where was I.

Yes, I remember...Sola my friend I don't know what happened to this girl.. She must have been intoxicated. Earlier , in the night I have seen Sola and she was not looking happy either. She was tired of being harassed, pulled on- groped. She even cursed out this guy so badly I even felt sorry for his mother. You should have seen the way Sola has dealt with this guy.

By the way remind me not to get into any arguments with her.

She was like, " SG I am done tired, past tired." " We need to go". Mind you this is 15 minutes after we just got there. I said" Sola, we have just got here. " She said, " I know but.... (starting to pout) I don't like this housewarming o.... what is this?" I told her to keep her voice down after all she does not want to offend Nne. She said, "ok sha but if I must stay here by force at least let me go enjoy myself" and that is exactly what she did.

She went and drank some champagne. I counted, 1....2.....3....( are you trying to kill yourself Sola....) sucking her teeth at me...4.......5...( hilariously laughter)....6( I don't feel that well) .She said," I am going to use the rest room"....wobbled legs followed by hilariously laughter. I don't think she will believe me so thank God I have taken pictures.....

I told you earlier, I have spotted a Boris in the making. I can feel all the hairs on my arms standing up. I was already in flight or fright mode. I can sense danger a mile away. I tried my best to pretend I did not even notice him- which by the way was extremely hard. This guy had such sexy eyes I see I might get into trouble tonight.

Let me describe this guy to you ladies.... smooth chocolate complexion skin, overnight stubble after he has not shaved for maybe a day- that rugged look, dressed in tan linen shirt and matching trousers, a low all around haircut with naturally jet black curls, and full lips just gorgeous....but the most striking aspect is definitely his eyes a greenish/ brown in color. Very unusual. I am attracted to guys with beautiful eyes not necessarily the color all the time but most of the time it is the shape. But if they have the shape and the color- forget it I am dead. With S.O. Sexy his shape of his eyes are small and slanted with the color I can't even describe it .. the best I can do is -it is the color of honey.

Anyway, this guy comes and sits down next to me. He gives me a short hello, and proceeds to scan the room. I take in his odor. Simply great, a clean fresh scent. I am dying slowly...... He turns and flashes me a smile filled with completely aligned white dentures..... with ten pound dimples and ladies brace yourself a cleft... (whew- I am finished!!!- completely finished!!! I am really nervous now. He introduces himself as J. But his accent is not Nigerian- he is from Trinidad.

I smile at him, and we start a conversation. He said wow, " there is so many dudes in this joint". I say, " I just thought it was me." This guy is making me so uncomfortable. For the simple reason, I am sure he checked me out before he came to sit down but sitting next to me he is not looking at anything else but my face. I can see his gaze following my lips and looking intently into my eyes. His gaze alone... I tell you... we were talking so long as if we knew each other for so long. Then it happens, he said" you are so striking, and classy." Which is very rare.... " Can I get you something to drink?" No, I am fine, thank you. I still was holding my Coke. I do not drink alcohol at all. ( Different story). He scans me with his eyes. I know I was looking fab. I had on a black silk dress, not revealing at all- but maybe that is what men found most appealing. My black pearls with matching earrings, and my hair swept to the back over my shoulders.

He said" Can I get your # so we can talk some more?" I am sorry J, " I can't." Than is when Sola came after spending about 30 minutes in the bathroom. A sloppy drunk... she looks like she has seen hell 20 times. Sola is extremely beautiful- a natural beauty she does not need makeup or anything spectacular to look beautiful. She said," SG, are you ready?" I saw Sola take a double take even in her drunken state, I know she noticed this fine specimen sitting beside me." " SG, are you going to call S.O. to pick us up?" J, was like who is S.O.? I said "S.O. is my husband." You are married? Yes, I am. I showed him my wedding band. "Happily, that why I told you I can't." Even though I said happily I felt miserable at that moment. I know it is a horrible thing to say. But I did. He looked confused and disappointed.

I introduced him to Sola.... Sola this is J, J this is Sola. Sola looked pleased and turned oh her seductive cat mode. Even in her drunken state she was working it. What a night! I asked J if he could drop her home since we did come in her car. He obliged my request. Sola looked like a kid on Christmas day- seriously. I was at least happy for Sola I have done my part she owes me big time.

I told Nne her party was great but I had to leave. Sola was ill. NNe took one look at Sola and abused her so badly. She saw J and whispered in my ear" he is such a hottie" I told her don't remind me. I called S.O. Sexy and he came to get me. How was your night" Interesting". Was all I could muster. He gave me a gentle kiss on my cheek and opened the car door for me. Look who has been waiting for you.... I turn in the back seat and there she is my little gorgeous....

By the way, Sola has gotten home safely. J and her are going on their third date this week......

Thursday, May 31, 2007

1st Meme- 60 Questions

I apologize to all my fellow bloggers for my absence. I have been running Helter skelter like a madwoman still trying to get myself together. Countdown has begun to my trip to Naija. I am excited and terrified at the same time.

I will post the second Nne's Bash very shortly. It is a long jist but very worth it. Trust....

I pulled these questions off of T- Minx site. Thanks T- Minx I will give you all the credits.

1.What time did you get up this morning?

4:00 am

2. Diamonds or pearls?

Definitely pearls. They are more classy and they are my birthstone...

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

SpiderMan 3. A waste of time. I could have waited until it came out on video.

4. What is your favorite TV show?

Hands down King of Queens. Hilarious.

5. What did you have for breakfast?

Boiled yams with stew and goat meat with green tea. Yummy....

6. What is your middle name?

It means one who sees the sun first... (Hindu)

7. What is your favorite cuisine/meal?

Stew with goat meat , edikaikon and plantains

8. What foods do you dislike?


9. Your favorite Potato chip?


?10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?

Calypso cd- Jungle mix...

11. What kind of car do you drive? Right now?

An Acura MDX- black- sweet....

12. Favorite sandwich?

Turkey on a roll with lettuce, tomatoes, salt/pepper/vinegar and lettuce with mayo.

13. What characteristics do you despise?

Conceited, loud and obnoxious people. And oh- ghetto fabulous...

14. Favorite item of clothing?

My black lace senegalese style outfit

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?

India and China.

16. What color is your bathroom?

White and Grey

17. Favorite brand of clothing?

Brooks Brothers and Ann Taylor.

18. Where wouldI like to retire?

Nigeria of course....

19. Favorite time of day?


20. Where were you born?

A hot tropical place where the people are friendly.

21. Favorite sport(s) to watch?

a/ Squash

b/ Track and Field

c/ Boxing

22. Who do you least expect to respond to this?

I don't know

23. Person you expect to respond first?

My fellow bloggers

24. What laundry scent do you use?

Lavender and Camomile

25. Coke or Pepsi?

Definitely Coke.

26. Are you a morning person or night owl?

A night owl

27. What size shoe do you wear? 9 (American)

28. Do you have pets?

4 Dogs- 2 here and 2 in Nigeria.

1 chow chow
1 poodle

2 German shepherds

29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone?

I am travelling to Naija....

30. What did you want to be when you were little?

An artist.

31. Favorite Candy Bar?


32. What is your best childhood memory?

Going to the park with my Dad and my sister.

33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life?

Next question. TMI.

34. What color/type underwear are you?

CK boxers for girls lace black


Hmm.. She-ra, Perv.... Gorgeous...(smile)

36. Piercings ?

Two in each ear. I used to have my nose pierced but it closed up with no indication it was ever pierced.

37. Eye color?


38. Ever been to Africa?

Stupid question.

38b) Ever been to South Australia? No

39. Ever been toilet papering or rolling?


40. Love someone so much it made you cry?


41. Been in a car accident?

yes. Not me driving. One I was in the car con mi madre. The next was I was riding my bicycle and a man hit me head on with his station wagon. Can you say ouch....

42. Croutons or bacon bits?


43.Favorite day of the week?


44. Favorite restaurant?

Hmmm.. tough it is a tie between Peter Luger steakhouse and Africana soul food cafe ( Blessing you are the bomb!!!)

45. Favorite flower?

Hands down White roses.

46. Favorite ice cream?

Haagen Daz Vanilla Bean

47. How many times did you fail your driver's test?


48. What color is your bedroom carpet?

Hardwood floors no carpet.

49. How many times did you fail your driver's test?

I said never are you deaf...

50. Before this one, from whom did you get your last email?


51. Which stores would you choose to max out your credit card?

Definitely Victori Secret or La Perla.

52. What do you do most often when you are bored?

Read or Watch Tv

53. Bedtime? 1 am

54. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? Everyone

55. Last person you went to dinner with?

Mi esposo.

56. What are you listening to right now?

Real World Las Vegas.

57. What is your favorite color?


58. Lake, Ocean or river?


59. How many tattoos do you have?


60. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

I am not God I don't know.

My personal comment : Too many Damn' questions....hmmph....

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Nne 's Bash

Why are men such horn balls? I am sure you want to know why such a visceral reaction...Ok, you have twisted my arms I will tell you.

I went by my friend Nne "get together" that she was throwing on Saturday. No special occasion- she was tired of suffering through winter and she wanted to throw some function.

I arrived there fashionably late with my friend Sola. I walked through the door and I knew there was going to be problems. First of all, there were more guys than there were ladies and it was a big thing-o. The second problem, what is my name?

Should I say more...

Guys were breaking their necks staring at me like if I was some kind of meat. I instinctively felt like bolting out of there. Nne was like" SG you look drop dead gorgeous, where is SO? Don't tell me you and Sola came here alone. " I said you never told me it was a New Year bash you were throwing." She said you know how Nigerians are, you invite one and they bring ten". We both laughed at that, because we knew it was true.

She look around nervously, "Are you going to be ok, I have mace." I was stunned. I responded, "Is it that bad." She just said, "enjoy sha and let me know if anyone messes with you."

I met all sorts. One guy approached me his line was so whack. I mean even if I was not available not even on my worst day this guy had no chance.

I will indicate his lines in red and mine in black from now on.

LOSER: WOW, Are you a model?


LOSER: Are you Nigerian?

I was looking at this guy as if he was a retard and shifting uncomfortably in my seat....(By the way I never bothered to answer him)

LOSER: What does a guy have to do to go out with you?

SG: I am not interested. I am married.

LOSER: I don't believe you are married. I know how you girls like to say they are married even when they are not....

SG: (looking at this guy as if he was a born retard) If a woman tells you she is married and she is not- then more than likely she is not interested. Excuse me...

I proceeded to get off from my seat. That is when I saw at least 5 more losers trying to approach me with very similar lines....

Is it a crime for a woman to go out and hang by her friends party without being harassed... At a certain time I looked like I had a serious screw face all the time. No one approached me any longer until...our eyes met.

He had to be one of the most gorgeous men I have ever seen. A Boris definitely in the making.... ( but I will save this jist for Part 2)

I saw Nne enjoying her party... I asked her what kind of party is she having as if all of these men are just here to pick up babes... she laughed and agreed with me. She was loving it, she was still single and looking for a hubby. At 5'3 " and a Nia knock-off she was in no short supply. As beautiful as she is she was always meeting weirdos...(go figure)

Anyway, I am tired of writing so bloggers stay tuned for Part 2.....

Oh, before I forget:



Did you hear about the Nigerian man who bit off his wife's lip in an argument, and they could not reattach it? This is serious... all because she called him short.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Gorgeous days

I am so sorry that I have been away from blogging so long. I have missed all of you. Work has been very laborious and taxing on my nerves. Is it too late for me to scream. AAAAARRRRGHHH!!! ( screaming to the top of my lungs).

Preparing for travelling is a very stressful situation. I cannot tell you the last time I had a "gorgeous "day. Where I pamper myself. I miss those times.

What is an ideal "gorgeous " day you may ask. Watching all of my favorite programs ... I love Naija movies, just love it... also I love being outdoors-running, walking or just reading. That to me is an ideal situation.

The best " gorgeous" day I ever had was when I went to Kontagora with S.O. Sexy. We have heard about this nice hotel there and since I have never went there before we decided to go. Everything that could have possibly went wrong on that trip did. The hotel was once inhabited by ex-architectural Americans who were living in the quarters that they have constructed.

Each bungalow consisted of three bedrooms and it was very romantic that it looked like individual cottages that had paths to connect to the other bungalows. There were about 14 of these such bungalows and a main reception area that also had a restaurant . They also had a Olympic sized swimming pool ideal you might say- wrong!!! The pool had no water, the rooms were uninhabited for so long that they had dead lizards and flying insects all over the place...I laughed I had no choice or else I would have definitely cried.

I am a firm believer if life offers me lemons then I will make lemonade- and so that is exactly what I did. Instead, of looking at the bad in the situation I set out too have the best time ever. And surprisingly enough I did. We had this quirky bellman who also by the way served as the cook. He presented us with a menu full of tasty things only to be let down with " sorry ma, we don't have that" and when he would utter these phrases he would move his head like an Indian side to side. I asked for spaghetti bolognaise again "sorry ma, we don't have that". This phrase was repeated about six times-so finally I said just bring me what you have and he did chips and chicken....(Good Grief)...

I was just too tired to argue. We wanted to see the nightlife of Kontagora for a bit but the driver did not return with the vehicle right away. So we walked around the compound at night just gazing at the moon and the stars that seemed to be everywhere. We even headed out and sat on some rocks at the edge of the compound and occasionally were distracted by the bright lights of the oncoming traffic. We did not even consider getting bitten by snakes that is how engrossed we were in our conversation and just in each others company. Our driver has finally returned and we went out to the main city and bought suya with some bread and had it with some Ovaltine. It was wonderful! Later, S.O.Sexy would tell me that was the day he would have no other woman for his wife but me....So you see how can that not be a "gorgeous"moment....

Friday, April 20, 2007

Final Addiction

I want to thank all of the contestants for their continual participation. The finalists are no other than Cherub and Law Damsel.

Thanks to all of the other contestants in the semis- JJ and Temmy Tayo. You gals were great!

Here are the final questions. As noted before this is an elimination round. We can have only one winner....

First Question:

1. Name three things that you are not prepared to do to keep your relationship?

2. Name one thing that you have done for someone or an organization for which you have not
been paid or required to do.

Good luck to all of the contestants. Please be as specific as possible when you are answering the questions.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Addictions 3

First, I would like to say thank you to all of our contestants that participated in the competition. You are all phenomenal women in your own right. However, we could have only picked one winner fromeach category.

I would like to thank also Mr. Ugo and Ms. Zai for their unbiased and accurate judging without them this certainly would not have been possible. I know at times it was difficult but you performed your duties with honesty. I really appreciate that...

I would like at this time to give more statistics on our Bachelor:

Height: 6'4

Weight: 165 lbs

Hair: Low/ fade Eyes: brown

Favorite Hobby: Basketball

Favorite Color- Baby Blue

Favorite Food- Curry Goat

Favorite Movie: The Five Heart Beats

Goal: Engineer/ Law Enforcement

Religious: Yes

And our finalist are:


2. J.J.



So ladies congratulation on making it to the next round!! This is an elimination round! Two candidates will be eliminated based on your responses to these four questions.

Question 1:





Let the comeptition begin......

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Addictions 2

I have included 2 more photos for your viewing pleasure. Stay tuned for their stats.....

I have narrowed down my search to four groups, of all the interested fellow single blogsters. From here on, the competition will take a strange turn. Different groups will compete with the group that is next to them. I have tried to be fair with the limited info that
I have.
JJ, BIMBYLADS(pending divorce), WAFFARIAN
Ladies, these are the draws let the competition begin....
Group A and B will be first:
1. What is your ideal man?
2. What is your longest relationship that you have ever been in?
3. Are you monogamous?
4. In three words how would you describe yourself?
This is an elimination round. Two candidates will be eliminated from each group.
I thought I should post something that actually has to do with the topic.
So here goes...
I am addicted to:
1/ watching Love Jones ( I have such a crush on Larenz Tate)
2/ drinking large amounts of Coca- Cola.
3/ walking for long hours.
Good Luck ladies.

Monday, April 2, 2007


Who is this handsome chap?? You will find out
at the end of my post.... Stay tuned....
This weekend would have been pretty uneventful if not for the simple fact that I was pounding the pavements. Going from shop to shop and from store to store. I am truly tired!! I had to go soak my poor feet in epsom salts...I really did wish that H.G. Wells time machine was actually something that is plausible. What I would not do over! (hmm.. my life would truly never be the same) But then the big question, if I truly can do things over would I still be me, or the reality of the thing I know would it be changed into something different? I think it would-because then you would be rewriting history altogether. Enough!! philosophical talk. I bet you have never seen this aspect of me.

Anyway, getting back to my story. I think I am addicted to shopping! I am not talking about regular shopping. No I am talking about every day shopping!! If I can't go out then I buy it online, and FEDEX it overnight or 2 days-I am like a kid on Christmas waiting for my package. When I get it sometimes I am happy with what I have bought and other times I am downright unhappy- but I never send the items back. I keep it. S.O. Sexy he has warned me enough times to stop shopping or else he will take me to shoppers anonymous, for compulsive shoppers. Is there such a place? I wonder... So I can no longer take my packages openly he has forced me to go underground. I now collect my packages and hide them, throw the package wrappings in the garbage, receipts shredded. Hiding my goodies is a lot much harder than I thought it would be. I don't know how long I can keep this up. He tells me all the time why do I look so guilty, why am I behaving shady? I told him why is he harassing me for no reason, he says because you look guilty... I replied, see my face well, well... please do not fatigue my nerves. Meanwhile, I am trying to get as quickly out of there as possible because I am not a good liar.

I also went to my Mother, you have probably heard me refer to her in other posts as Mad Cobra. She is quite a character. My mother rarely sits down she is always cleaning this cooking that, and talking all at the same time. I think this is where I get these habits from. She happens to be the best cook ever. I am trying desperately to live up to her standards. Poor S.O. Sexy thank God for his tough belly or his greed I don't know which one. Sometimes he sweats profusely from his clean shaven head from the amount of pepper, and tears strolling down his face, or when he drinks gallons of water because I put too much salt. Now you see why I love him so much. He has been patient with me, that is why I am the cook I am today. I will soon be displaying my culinary skills in Babs House, as soon as I upload the photos. Next wahala!

In other news... My auntie Babie came down and made me roti with curry goat and dahl.

MY brother... Mr. GQ is coming home soon. Sometime in June... To all single ladies he is single, 6'4" and built. I will post his picture now. Please send all inquiries to my mail. Law Damsel especially you...

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Simply ....Naija

I have taken long to post because all weekend I was in a state of euphoria. I am still excited about going to Nigeria. So I thought it only befitting to share some of my experiences with my blogger buds. I hope you find it as interesting as I have....

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Star Gazing

As I sit here in my depressed state, ( Winter does that to me) I cannot wait until it is the first day of Spring. Which by the way is tomorrow here but by the snow on the ground not that many people can tell. Spring represents something broader - Summer!!

Summer means fun!! Pum- pum shorts and large men shirts, Coney Island with roller coasters that make me lose my voice for days, Dancehall clubs that play my favorite tunes, sitting in the backyard reading a good book while drinking a sugar cane juice with ginger -ice cold. Summer means romantic walks in the park with S.O. Sexy giving me piggy back rides up and down the hills of Central Park, when we get tired we have a nice picnic and when it gets dark and only the faded park lights and the stars we might find ourselves someplace in the bushes. I have a funny story to tell but I will save that for some other time.

I love Summer! Summer also personifies Love to me. You see new love, old love, trysts everything underneath the sun in Summer. I have mentioned in a previous post that my bags were packed for Nigeria and that my trip has been postponed. Well it is back on. Thank GOD! I thought I would have been mad or as some people in blogsville have accused I have done Kolo!!( I am not mentioning any names but the person knows who they are) let's just say Law Damsel knows who it is... ( enough hints).

Anyway, what was I saying... yes I remember... my trip it is back on. I will be in Nigeria for rainy season. That is good for me. I get to eat roasted corn, boiled corn, mangoes green, mangoes ripe, sugar cane-which happens to be my fav-o-rite fruit.

I would have went canoeing but I might get hit with a jolt of electricity. I like canoeing it is just so peaceful if you don't mind the boat filling up with water while someone is fervently emptying the water from the boat. It is very startling to see initially. I was convinced I was a gonner. You might wonder what possessed me. S.O. Sexy- that's who!! And he knows damn well I do not know how to swim. Can you imagine- the strange things women do all in the name of Love.

Yes oh... I will truly enjoy Naija in preparation for my trip I bought these wicked pair of Gucci sunglasses. I have started to buy some shoes and outfits with matching colored pocketbook. I bought some of my favorite Seven jeans. I love the way they feel. Even though I have to jump and suck and tug to get into them. But it is all worth it to see the end result. I look to DIVALISCIOUS!! ( Is that even a word???)

Yes the big MADAM has arrived .....Nigeria here I come!!! Well in a couple of months. Needless, to say I will thoroughly enjoy.

What I will not enjoy- mosquitoes buzzing in my ears, power cuts, gastrointestinal wahala, shakedowns from Naija's finest, shakedowns from relatives, rate of slowness- laid back attitude.

A little off the topic, I have been getting strange stalker e-mails from someone. They tell me they know me, think about me and other perverted things that I cannot mention. I am very much afraid. I will keep you posted. He said he used to go to school with me. I have promptly changed my telephone number, and changed my e-mail address so hopefully this will stop the madness.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

End of the Road Part II

Before I begin this long awaited post I want to give a warm welcome to FINEBOY( I LOVE THAT NAME BY THE WAY) he has a new blog so you guys should check it out show him some love NAIJA BLOG style..

So where was I? Hmm. Should I delay a little bit more? Nah... I think I have tortured you people enough. Yes he held my hand, automatically I felt flushed not with love but with an emotion I have not felt for some time -ANGER!! I pulled my hand away, I looked at him. This man that I had loved with all my being , and he stands there as if nothing happened. He is standing there as if he is MR. INNOCENT!!! I mean for God's sake! How can you have an affair with my best friend and my sister and then tell me - nonsense. No! I cannot go down that road again. My relationship with my sister was never the same. As for my so called best friend - that was done.

I looked at him and I told him he just needs to let go because I have. I am happy and if he truly cares for me he should be happy that I have finally found peace. I told him no matter how I felt about him then- I can no longer be with him now. He looked disappointed. He wanted to say something- object- but he stopped himself. I told him it was nice seeing him but I have to go now. I turned and walked away and I felt I closed a chapter that even during my marriage I could not fill. I answered that "what if" factor.

Ask me how I got home- I would not know. I don't even remember. I felt guilty like I cheated. I went to shower and I scrubbed and continued to scrub, until I felt raw. I was tired of crying and being angry now I just felt numb. But I had to cheer up before S.O Sexy comes home and sees me looking like this.

I am trying my best to understand why strange things always seem to happen to me. S.o. Sexy interjects into my thoughts I do love him. More probably then he will ever know. He was patient enough to pick up the pieces of what was left of my world and piece it back together gently.

I prepared the best dinner for him not like Bimbylads poison forest pepper soup and yansh rice. (smile) . I cooked like I was cooking for Thanksgiving. I made all of his favorites, bitterleaf with fresh fish and semovita , curry goat and roti and finally chicken tikka masala with saag paneer and nan bread. if you haven't guessed by now S.O. Sexy loves to eat.

However, I don't know where it all goes... He really surprises me. Thank God for the S.O. Sexies of this world....

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

End of the Road

I heard an expression before that you never forget your first love. I guess this is true. Before I delve into and spill my guts out. Let me begin from the beginning....

On Friday, don't ask me the date I can't even remember- I think old age is getting to me. I know it was on Friday and I was shopping in Macy*s. I was coming out of the elevator and as soon as the doors opened standing right in front of me was the person I thought would have been my life partner. For anonymity we will call him (Samuel). I saw him and he saw me at the same time. That is how things were for us. It felt as though we were the only people in the world. For that moment time ceased and I was breathless.... I felt like I was going to pass out. After all these years, he has aged some I guess so did I -but the handsomeness and his smile is something I will never be able to forget.
He said he went back to look for me but my family told him I was married he said he was devastated. Is that true, he asked or did they just say that to get rid of him. I told him it was both true. He said so how is married life I told him it was great. He looked around to see if I was with anybody but I was alone. We stepped aside to let the other passengers off , and we stood there for what seemed decades.

He stared and I stared. I felt like I was time travelling. Ebb and tide of images. I remember how it was like at the end. I can feel the tears stinging behind my eyes wanting to fall down. I breathed heavily wanting to push those memories behind me, I had to reassure myself that I was happy. That brought me at least to a level where I would not have an emotional breakdown.

He said I looked beautiful. Would it be possible to get a hug. I told him I don't think that was a good idea. Not because I did not want to but I did not trust myself embracing him- maybe then I would be embracing the possibilities and I was not ready for that.

He was the first guy to ever put on my lipstick for me. He did it with such grace and caring that I fell in love with him at that moment. Nights we would spend together walking in the park . He would push me in the swings and we would go on the see-saw together. I hated that see-saw because he was much heavier than me and he would hold me suspended in the air. I was terrified but he would just laugh and say you should trust me not to let you fall. I loved him madly. and deeply. He was the most handsomest sexiest man I have ever seen in my natural life. He was so cocky and conceited. It drove me crazy and excited me at the same time.

About now you were wondering what went wrong. Well I will touch briefly on it. I was a virgin and remained like that for a long period into my adulthood. My friends would joke with me and tell me if I will be the last virgin on Earth. Maybe I was. At times I felt that way. S.O. Sexy was the first and my only guy I have ever slept with. I always wondered what it would be like with him (Samuel) but I did not trust him and I am so glad I didn't. But that did not say that it was not easy.

He broke my heart in the worst way and his betrayal was worse than anything I could have imagined. But to forgive him took some time and I had to think about the times that we shared that were special. My first kiss with him...I was breathless... and so was he... I felt electricity throughout my whole entire body I shivered. His lips were tender and soft and just enough pressure to make me melt. If it wasn't for a person knocking on my door we would have went further. Thank God for divine intervention....

Now I stand before him and he is looking at me with that penetrating gaze, holding my hand and saying... Now I see you and it brings back so many memories I was wrong, and I never got over you. Tell me how I can let go...

And in my mind I am thinking do I really want him too. My mind drifts to that Anthony Hamilton song( Can't let Go). Why can't I-- just let go.


Wednesday, February 28, 2007

A Party to End All Parties

My trip to Nigeria has been postponed. Bummer. The only good thing I can see about this is that it will allow me to raise more dinero, and that I will be here for the spring and summer line.of clothes (yipee). It will also give me the opportunity to tone up my body. I want to look super hot when I go to Nigeria, scratch that I want to look slamming. I want necks and bodies to break before and after I land. It will take a long time to reach that target because right now I am looking like a HOT MESS!

I feel I am slipping, I am not feeling the way I used to, I was always on point, runway material. Now most of these days I can pass for a homeless person. Winter does that to me. It brings on those blues. But I know I will bounce out of it quickly, I have no choice.

S.O. Sexy has not been complaining that much, he is such a trooper!

I am expecting a visitor from NAIJA, one of Nigeria's top actors is coming to see me. Can anyone guess who it is? I had to pull a lot of strings to arrange it. Actually, my visitor I want to see if he will be able to arrange more of his fellow actors and actresses in Nollywood to arrange a function for me at my house.

I want to throw a function to end all functions, from dancers, to boxers, to live animals. That is the main reason why I have to postpone my trip.
And my fellow bloggers, before I go I will throw the biggest party that blogsville has ever seen.

I will need the help of some of my handy blogger buds to help me. BIMBYLADS we need you and OT to work out all of the logistics. I would have given you the responsibility to cook the food but you have already threatened to poison me with your bush meat from your evil forest. LONDON NAIJA CHIC I will need your expertise in the cooking, for obvious reasons (smile). OVERWHELMED we will need you to do the design as long as the theme is not Black- Hook us up. We need some music Mr. Yosh we need you to get it crunk, abeg none of your rock music. London Buki and Calabar Gal what assignment should I give the two women that are always harassing me- hmm... You two can man the doors not to allow hoodlums and all sorts to come in. Ex-School Nerd you are in charge of inviting all of the LAGOS big boys to the event. LAW DAMSEL and CONFUSED NAIJA GIRL you guys I trust you to make it a night to remember, you are in charge of the Blogsville guest list.

Please leave your weapons at home. This is a friendly event. No pepper spray, no juju and definitely no acid. I have warned all of those... eh hem- good.

Anyway, as you can see I have a lot of planning, so toodles for now. (I am doing the MISS America wave)!!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The Color Purple

I am here typing this blog and watching Color Purple at the same time. I can't tell you how many times I have watched this movie. Maybe like 100. My sister and I used to watch this movie together. I miss her. I still can't believe that she is gone. We are only 18 months apart, and now she is no longer here... We used to joke about who would get kids first... compete about who could pick up the most guys... competing about everything... and fight like cats and dogs, but then there were times that we would be so close and share secrets that no else can possibly experience except for us.

Why couldn't you be stronger? Didn't you see you had your life ahead of you but you chose the easy way out why? At 19... you were beautiful, and conceited, at least you portrayed that you were.I did not mean to laugh at your Elvis sideburns... I would gladly take it back just to see you again. You were so beautiful 5'8 a body to die for. Guys would run their cars up on the sidewalk just to talk to you. Why? Just tell my why? What was wrong? Is it because of that your useless boyfriend?Death always leaves more questions than answers, and you know Mommy was a wreck, you were so close to her. She lost so much weight. We left your room with your purple walls and your purple chimes hanging there, as if you never left. Your funeral it was packed. Did you see how many people loved you? Your lifeless body lay in your purple coffin you looked so different. You were no longer with us anymore.

Did you like the poem I made for you?Sorry I couldn't read it and Auntie Wu had too, I just couldn't. I hope you are happy now and at peace. I hope you are surrounded by all your purple flowers, and everything purple.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

A Night To Remember

I am back after days of recovering from my Valentine's fiasco. Do you want the clean version or the nasty version ? I think I will err on the side of clean version this is a family blog, so I will definitely keep it clean.

My hair dressing experience was slightly thrown off because the weather was terrible in New York. It was snowing horribly and it was very cold. So it honestly did not make sense to go get a perm when it would have fallen and I would have wasted $125. I would have been too pissed! So I had it washed and curled and I was out of there in no time. Surprisingly!

S.O. Sexy was waiting for me when I got back home. In my haste to have a perfect Valentine's I forgot to buy him a card. How can I be so stupid!!! When I came back he was dressed already our reservation was at 12 something and he was dressed to kill. He had on a grey suit pin-stripe shirt with cuff links, and a beautiful red striped tie. He smelled so good. In his hand was a dozen roses and a card..OMG! I was ecstatic I gave him a lot of hugs and kisses. He is so adorable I guess he will not be sleeping in the doghouse after all. I showered and shaved and got ready. I was so slinky in my black dress. Every woman should own a black dress, they are not just for funerals. I glanced in the mirror now I know why he calls me Gorgeous. Did you actually think I named myself that? No I am not that vain. Even when we are out in public he will be screaming my name out and everyone would turn and stare at me. I feel completely embarrassed.

Off we are to Peter Luger. However, the SUV is snowed in. Oh god, a next wahala! Peter Luger is very finicky about time. I do not want to be late. We arrive in the nick of time had a great dinner, or lunch is more appropriate.
We are off to watch Norbit. It was great very funny. But what concerned me the most is the effect of making fun of fat people. I felt bad for laughing at someone else's suffering or looks. Who am I to do that? I felt a tinge of guilt for doing that.

After we left the movies I told him I had to go to the pharmacy. He drove me there, and I picked up his card stuffed it into my coat. I am saved!!! Thank God. We came home and I asked him if he is ready to finish his Valentine? He was ecstatic. He started nodding his head like a lizard.
I told him to give me a second. I had to quickly write the card, and gather all my aids. I couldn't pull off this Valentine without it. Let's see Hershey's
chocolate syrup, coconut oil, rose petals from one of the roses and my Strictly for Lovers CD. Times like this I wish I had a pole in my room. Oh well, I will work with what I have. I went to shower and change and put on my see through black ribbon teddy. Too hot I am on Fire! I came out to see him in his birthday suit. OMG! I told him he is too anxious. BUT HE LOOKS SO DAMN GOOD!I told him he needs to have a seat. I performed all of my favorite dance positions and finished with a nice split that made him almost lose his mind. By the way I am extremely flexible!

I laid him on the bed lathered him with baby oil in certain places and Hershey syrup in others . He was going crazy! He has the most beautiful colored eyes, they are the color of golden honey.That is one of the reason why I fell in love with him.


You actually thought I would give you all the naughty details.A woman is not supposed to kiss and tell. Let's just say after our marathon I am so sore and still recovering. I have to go to see the OB/GYN to see if he shifted my s@#* again... (smile)

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Love is in the Air....

In preparation for Valentine's Day I have decided to go all out. I hope S.O. Sexy likes it. One of my friends called me yesterday to find out if I have any plans on Val? I had plans for months. Valentine's is truly one of those holidays I enjoy. The festivity, all the love in the air can you feel it? But somehow after Valentine's the depression sinks in. My pocketbook is always filled with lint where my money used to be.

First I have to find my way to the beauty salon. Thank God it is in walking distance to my house. For days, I have been scratching my head non-stop. This only means one thing my head is going to be one big ball of fire when they relax my hair. My Mom says I scratch my head like if I have lice! Heeeeyyyy! God Forbid!

Me with lice- I told her never to utter that please. I will just die. Where would I get lice from? Why am I even entertaining this madness? - this coming from a woman that we have nicknamed Mad Cobra when we were younger.

I hate going to the salon!!!- let me rephrase I abhor going to the salon. Sitting in a beauty salon wasting six hours of my precious time to let someone come and tell me my hair is not dried. I have to go back under. While this is repeated at least 3 times and it is not like the dryer is not hot. It is -o. My face is red and it feels as I have temperature when they take me out.

My hair is just very long and it takes a while to dry. I promised my Dada long time ago I would never cut my hair after my crazy sister Sexy Mod went and cut off her hair. Her hair reached her middle of her back close to her buttocks.And where did the lunatic girl cut it up to -her ear.! Oh- my father had a coronary. He didn't speak to her for weeks and no I am not exaggerating...She has always been braver than me....

I had reservations for Peter Luger for months. Peter Luger is New York's leading steak house it is always packed and to those that ever watched Cheers in the 1980's that's what it looks like inside. The waiters are dressed in tuxedo shirts and bow ties, and they cater to all your whims and fancy.

The problem is this . I really don't think that S.O. Sexy likes Peter Luger- he is in this new phase of excercising where he wants to get down to a certain size and eating a whopping porterhouse steak that taste like butter and will probably give one a coronary is not his idea of a good time. But voila- I have managed to pull the rabbit out of its hat. He loves salmon, and you guessed it they have it on their menu. So I get to enjoy! yippee...!!!- and I am so happy because I absolutely love Peter Luger.Who cares if I will go from a size 6 to a size 10. But no worries I will do some serious exercising when I go to the club.

After that we are planning to go to see Norbit. I saw the preview and it looks funny. I just don't like when the jokes become too over dramatized that you end up being able to predict what the next one would be like. That just pisses me off, sha.

Then for the piece DE la Resistance... The creme De la creme.. dessert. Which happens to be me!!! Whoever guessed that gets a prize. My room looks like a candle factory, Luther and all my fav-o-rite love songs are in my CD player .I bought this number lets just say it covers what doesn't need to be covered and reveals in all the nice places. (haa..haa)

So that is it for me. I swear if S.O. sexy doesn't step up his game this year. He will be sleeping in the dog house. I mean that literally.

To all those in Blogville, to all those newly engaged Happy Valentine's Day!

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Operation Fire For Fire

To all of you who have been awaiting the jist on my almost fatal run in with "Naija' s finest". ( No I am not talking about Ramsey or 2Face o-. Actually I do have a picture with me and Ramsey. Ladies eat your heart out and let's just say he really worked up a sweat...(BIG SMILE) (I will find a way to post the picture but I have to find a way to cut out my picture- I kinda like the anonymous thing.) I don't like stalkers I had my fill of those.

So anyway, I was travelling to Abuja with S.O. Sexy. ( He is not like those things that T-Minx was offering on her site as men!!! Ladies he is fine... (I will post some pictures later)..Anyway, we were in Abuja it is really beautiful by the way. There are beautiful townhouses, beautiful estates in Maitama and Asokoro, and some in Wuse II. However, it does cost a pretty penny to live there. We travelled to Abuja Nicon ( one of my favorite romantic spots) and went around to Amigo's to get some snacks and other stuff.

I had my camera with me a Contax N1 , and it is a professional camera but I am just a novice who just loves taking photos. I was not even next to Aso Rock and I was just shooting my camera.

Within a lightning's flash I saw a policeman screaming. I had no idea he was talking to me. So me and S.O. Sexy continued to drive. Fatal mistake..
I didn't even realize what happened next... the crazy policeman called for back up!

I thought they were in pursuit of armed robbers how they had their machine guns drawn, and were following us. We we were trying to clear the way so they can catch the culprits. Little did I know I was the one and the same!

They jumped into the car, put their rifle into my face. I swear to God, I thought I was going to die! I was just trying to remember to say my last rites... I swear... A next officer jumped into the front seat and took the car keys from S.O. Sexy and pulled the car to the side. 2 more officers now jumped into the backseat.

I was past petrified. I have never been so scared in my life. The offense they said was taking pictures of ASO Rock, and they would take me down to the police station and lock us up. They wanted my camera . I told them no way...

I told them no way... they can have the film, but definitely not the camera! I know it might not have been the smartest thing to do, but S.O. Sexy has bought that as a birthday gift for me and I was not about to give it up that easily.

They took me to their oga who was still debating who I was. Whether or not I was a journalist, which paper did I work for. Was I even Nigerian. I was completely dumbfounded first and then belligerent, and then so angry. I guess that is the Cancer in me.

S.O. Sexy did not want a showdown with Fire for Fire, which is such a stupid name for a police force that every living and breathing Nigerian knows does not ever return any fire, they all vanish into thin air whenever any danger is around. They are only there to terrorize the poor masses all in the name of a lousy twenty or 1oo naira !

So getting back to my story, he started talking to them in Hausa and they started to calm down a little bit. They asked him if he does not know the custom. They are letting us off with a warning,next time they will not be that nice...

I was still irate and seething silently, what nonsense! Wasted two hours mind you - blasted idiots! Anyway, sha at least- I am still breathing thank God. How many people can say they faced Fire for Fire and walked away.

Fire indeed! Haa....Haa... (smile).

Monday, February 5, 2007

Nigerian Customs

This weekend I sat down packing and repacking my luggage to go to Nigeria. I know this may seem a little impulsive... okay I lie... Very impulsive seeing that I haven't even bought my tickets from British Airways. Something just pushed me over the edge.. could it be, the forecast reporting that that the next 3 days would be 20 degrees, with a wind chill factor of below O degrees. I think that might have done it !

I packed my basic necessities and the list reads:

a. malaria medication ( check)

b. Pepto bismol and wipes (check)

c. Motrin (check) I get serious migraines...

d. sun tan and sun block (check) I am tired of stupid people screaming out yellooowww... when they want me to buy something from them, (like that is actually going to make me buy anything)

e. toiletries (check)

f. camera and film(check) I am an aspiring photographer( that is until FIRE for FIRE) jumped into my car and almost wheeled me down to the police station. Why didn't anyone tell me I could not take pictures in Abuja?
This is too long to report now it is definitely for a next time.

g. Someone has told me once if you are not really comfortable with Customs checking your bag ( which I am not) you should put your undies on the top layer they will feel too offended to search through it. Great travelling tip I will tell you if it works when I come back.

Or it might have the opposite effect I might find some perv... secretly sniffing my Victoria's and Calvin's...

h. My bathing and summer clothes, that really need to be updated...

i. Trinkets for relatives...( even though I bring them things it is never enough , I always leave with just a little more than the clothes on my back.)

I might be missing something I am just not sure what! Most likely this is just a dry run, I'm almost certain to repack again...

Friday, February 2, 2007

Too Much Time

Work was exactly, how I thought it was going to be - a big snooze.....z.zzz....
TGIF- thank god its friday. The highlight of my day as follows..

Going to Africana Soul Food Cafe-in Queens,NY (Blessing's food is seriously off the chain) simply the best hands down. A good indication of how good food can be is by how distended your belly can be and mine is seriously distended.

Logged on to Overwhelmed NB site to get a couple of laughs, by the way I am still waiting for my prize.

Received my first comment on my blog thanxs for the shot out Taurean minx.

I wonder if it is too early to pack my luggage to go to Naija? My proposed travel is not until the end of March...

In A Naija State of Mind

I woke up this morning and all I care about is going back underneath the covers. It is so friggin cold !I read this book once by Buchi Emecheta, and she said if she was Jesus she would have passed London by, with all of the cold air and grey skies. Buchi, I second that motion ! However, I am not in London but in New York, and he needs to bypass here also.

Who wants to go to work today. certainly, not I! Just extra time pleaasseee... just five more minutes.... so I can dream more about Naija....with its warm sun, smell of petrol everywhere, fresh fruits, great food... cant wait to eat suya, bitterleaf, edikaikon, draw soup, and goat pepper soup and have a Chapman at Abuja Nicon.

I can't wait to dress in Nigerian attire...without someone asking me oh...are you going to a wedding? No, I just felt like wearing something that reminded me that I was home... Next ridiculous question why.... which is normally followed with a look of disgust.

Who cares... no one cares in Naija... all the countless materials from the finest the matching headscarves....I love seeing the men dressed in their caftans, their regality and sexiness could never be surpassed by any Western suits.

As you can see I am homesick... and no amount of five minutes will miraculously place me in Nigeria, Anyway, sha, time to get ready to go to work.