Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Simply ....Naija

I have taken long to post because all weekend I was in a state of euphoria. I am still excited about going to Nigeria. So I thought it only befitting to share some of my experiences with my blogger buds. I hope you find it as interesting as I have....

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Star Gazing

As I sit here in my depressed state, ( Winter does that to me) I cannot wait until it is the first day of Spring. Which by the way is tomorrow here but by the snow on the ground not that many people can tell. Spring represents something broader - Summer!!

Summer means fun!! Pum- pum shorts and large men shirts, Coney Island with roller coasters that make me lose my voice for days, Dancehall clubs that play my favorite tunes, sitting in the backyard reading a good book while drinking a sugar cane juice with ginger -ice cold. Summer means romantic walks in the park with S.O. Sexy giving me piggy back rides up and down the hills of Central Park, when we get tired we have a nice picnic and when it gets dark and only the faded park lights and the stars we might find ourselves someplace in the bushes. I have a funny story to tell but I will save that for some other time.

I love Summer! Summer also personifies Love to me. You see new love, old love, trysts everything underneath the sun in Summer. I have mentioned in a previous post that my bags were packed for Nigeria and that my trip has been postponed. Well it is back on. Thank GOD! I thought I would have been mad or as some people in blogsville have accused I have done Kolo!!( I am not mentioning any names but the person knows who they are) let's just say Law Damsel knows who it is... ( enough hints).

Anyway, what was I saying... yes I remember... my trip it is back on. I will be in Nigeria for rainy season. That is good for me. I get to eat roasted corn, boiled corn, mangoes green, mangoes ripe, sugar cane-which happens to be my fav-o-rite fruit.

I would have went canoeing but I might get hit with a jolt of electricity. I like canoeing it is just so peaceful if you don't mind the boat filling up with water while someone is fervently emptying the water from the boat. It is very startling to see initially. I was convinced I was a gonner. You might wonder what possessed me. S.O. Sexy- that's who!! And he knows damn well I do not know how to swim. Can you imagine- the strange things women do all in the name of Love.

Yes oh... I will truly enjoy Naija in preparation for my trip I bought these wicked pair of Gucci sunglasses. I have started to buy some shoes and outfits with matching colored pocketbook. I bought some of my favorite Seven jeans. I love the way they feel. Even though I have to jump and suck and tug to get into them. But it is all worth it to see the end result. I look to DIVALISCIOUS!! ( Is that even a word???)

Yes the big MADAM has arrived .....Nigeria here I come!!! Well in a couple of months. Needless, to say I will thoroughly enjoy.

What I will not enjoy- mosquitoes buzzing in my ears, power cuts, gastrointestinal wahala, shakedowns from Naija's finest, shakedowns from relatives, rate of slowness- laid back attitude.

A little off the topic, I have been getting strange stalker e-mails from someone. They tell me they know me, think about me and other perverted things that I cannot mention. I am very much afraid. I will keep you posted. He said he used to go to school with me. I have promptly changed my telephone number, and changed my e-mail address so hopefully this will stop the madness.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

End of the Road Part II

Before I begin this long awaited post I want to give a warm welcome to FINEBOY( I LOVE THAT NAME BY THE WAY) he has a new blog so you guys should check it out show him some love NAIJA BLOG style..

So where was I? Hmm. Should I delay a little bit more? Nah... I think I have tortured you people enough. Yes he held my hand, automatically I felt flushed not with love but with an emotion I have not felt for some time -ANGER!! I pulled my hand away, I looked at him. This man that I had loved with all my being , and he stands there as if nothing happened. He is standing there as if he is MR. INNOCENT!!! I mean for God's sake! How can you have an affair with my best friend and my sister and then tell me - nonsense. No! I cannot go down that road again. My relationship with my sister was never the same. As for my so called best friend - that was done.

I looked at him and I told him he just needs to let go because I have. I am happy and if he truly cares for me he should be happy that I have finally found peace. I told him no matter how I felt about him then- I can no longer be with him now. He looked disappointed. He wanted to say something- object- but he stopped himself. I told him it was nice seeing him but I have to go now. I turned and walked away and I felt I closed a chapter that even during my marriage I could not fill. I answered that "what if" factor.

Ask me how I got home- I would not know. I don't even remember. I felt guilty like I cheated. I went to shower and I scrubbed and continued to scrub, until I felt raw. I was tired of crying and being angry now I just felt numb. But I had to cheer up before S.O Sexy comes home and sees me looking like this.

I am trying my best to understand why strange things always seem to happen to me. S.o. Sexy interjects into my thoughts I do love him. More probably then he will ever know. He was patient enough to pick up the pieces of what was left of my world and piece it back together gently.

I prepared the best dinner for him not like Bimbylads poison forest pepper soup and yansh rice. (smile) . I cooked like I was cooking for Thanksgiving. I made all of his favorites, bitterleaf with fresh fish and semovita , curry goat and roti and finally chicken tikka masala with saag paneer and nan bread. if you haven't guessed by now S.O. Sexy loves to eat.

However, I don't know where it all goes... He really surprises me. Thank God for the S.O. Sexies of this world....

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

End of the Road

I heard an expression before that you never forget your first love. I guess this is true. Before I delve into and spill my guts out. Let me begin from the beginning....

On Friday, don't ask me the date I can't even remember- I think old age is getting to me. I know it was on Friday and I was shopping in Macy*s. I was coming out of the elevator and as soon as the doors opened standing right in front of me was the person I thought would have been my life partner. For anonymity we will call him (Samuel). I saw him and he saw me at the same time. That is how things were for us. It felt as though we were the only people in the world. For that moment time ceased and I was breathless.... I felt like I was going to pass out. After all these years, he has aged some I guess so did I -but the handsomeness and his smile is something I will never be able to forget.
He said he went back to look for me but my family told him I was married he said he was devastated. Is that true, he asked or did they just say that to get rid of him. I told him it was both true. He said so how is married life I told him it was great. He looked around to see if I was with anybody but I was alone. We stepped aside to let the other passengers off , and we stood there for what seemed decades.

He stared and I stared. I felt like I was time travelling. Ebb and tide of images. I remember how it was like at the end. I can feel the tears stinging behind my eyes wanting to fall down. I breathed heavily wanting to push those memories behind me, I had to reassure myself that I was happy. That brought me at least to a level where I would not have an emotional breakdown.

He said I looked beautiful. Would it be possible to get a hug. I told him I don't think that was a good idea. Not because I did not want to but I did not trust myself embracing him- maybe then I would be embracing the possibilities and I was not ready for that.

He was the first guy to ever put on my lipstick for me. He did it with such grace and caring that I fell in love with him at that moment. Nights we would spend together walking in the park . He would push me in the swings and we would go on the see-saw together. I hated that see-saw because he was much heavier than me and he would hold me suspended in the air. I was terrified but he would just laugh and say you should trust me not to let you fall. I loved him madly. and deeply. He was the most handsomest sexiest man I have ever seen in my natural life. He was so cocky and conceited. It drove me crazy and excited me at the same time.

About now you were wondering what went wrong. Well I will touch briefly on it. I was a virgin and remained like that for a long period into my adulthood. My friends would joke with me and tell me if I will be the last virgin on Earth. Maybe I was. At times I felt that way. S.O. Sexy was the first and my only guy I have ever slept with. I always wondered what it would be like with him (Samuel) but I did not trust him and I am so glad I didn't. But that did not say that it was not easy.

He broke my heart in the worst way and his betrayal was worse than anything I could have imagined. But to forgive him took some time and I had to think about the times that we shared that were special. My first kiss with him...I was breathless... and so was he... I felt electricity throughout my whole entire body I shivered. His lips were tender and soft and just enough pressure to make me melt. If it wasn't for a person knocking on my door we would have went further. Thank God for divine intervention....

Now I stand before him and he is looking at me with that penetrating gaze, holding my hand and saying... Now I see you and it brings back so many memories I was wrong, and I never got over you. Tell me how I can let go...

And in my mind I am thinking do I really want him too. My mind drifts to that Anthony Hamilton song( Can't let Go). Why can't I-- just let go.