Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Nne 's Bash

Why are men such horn balls? I am sure you want to know why such a visceral reaction...Ok, you have twisted my arms I will tell you.


I went by my friend Nne "get together" that she was throwing on Saturday. No special occasion- she was tired of suffering through winter and she wanted to throw some function.

I arrived there fashionably late with my friend Sola. I walked through the door and I knew there was going to be problems. First of all, there were more guys than there were ladies and it was a big thing-o. The second problem, what is my name?

Should I say more...

Guys were breaking their necks staring at me like if I was some kind of meat. I instinctively felt like bolting out of there. Nne was like" SG you look drop dead gorgeous, where is SO? Don't tell me you and Sola came here alone. " I said you never told me it was a New Year bash you were throwing." She said you know how Nigerians are, you invite one and they bring ten". We both laughed at that, because we knew it was true.

She look around nervously, "Are you going to be ok, I have mace." I was stunned. I responded, "Is it that bad." She just said, "enjoy sha and let me know if anyone messes with you."

I met all sorts. One guy approached me his line was so whack. I mean even if I was not available not even on my worst day this guy had no chance.

I will indicate his lines in red and mine in black from now on.

LOSER: WOW, Are you a model?

SG: NO. (SHOWING LACK OF INTEREST)

LOSER: Are you Nigerian?


I was looking at this guy as if he was a retard and shifting uncomfortably in my seat....(By the way I never bothered to answer him)

LOSER: What does a guy have to do to go out with you?

SG: I am not interested. I am married.


LOSER: I don't believe you are married. I know how you girls like to say they are married even when they are not....


SG: (looking at this guy as if he was a born retard) If a woman tells you she is married and she is not- then more than likely she is not interested. Excuse me...


I proceeded to get off from my seat. That is when I saw at least 5 more losers trying to approach me with very similar lines....


Is it a crime for a woman to go out and hang by her friends party without being harassed... At a certain time I looked like I had a serious screw face all the time. No one approached me any longer until...our eyes met.

He had to be one of the most gorgeous men I have ever seen. A Boris definitely in the making.... ( but I will save this jist for Part 2)

I saw Nne enjoying her party... I asked her what kind of party is she having as if all of these men are just here to pick up babes... she laughed and agreed with me. She was loving it, she was still single and looking for a hubby. At 5'3 " and a Nia knock-off she was in no short supply. As beautiful as she is she was always meeting weirdos...(go figure)


Anyway, I am tired of writing so bloggers stay tuned for Part 2.....

Oh, before I forget:

I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT EX-SCHOOL NERD HAS BEEN A CHEATER!!!

UGO WE NEED TO HOLD A COMPETITION TO LOOK FOR A WIFE FOR YOSH....(SMILE)

Did you hear about the Nigerian man who bit off his wife's lip in an argument, and they could not reattach it? This is serious... all because she called him short.


40 comments:

LurLar said...

Whala wa gan ni oh. Naija guys nd lame lines.

Idemili said...

It's not 'Nigerian men and lame lines' lameness is not peculiar to country.

Some guys are just so dry and have no game. And they don't even try to get game sef they just recycle the same dry lines over and over just because sometime in 1982 they had a hit and they are hoping lightning will strike in the same place twice.

Umu anu ofia!

Anyway, SG me I must see this your fineness oh! And about the man who bit his wife's lip off...Na wah o! Na so e pain am reash?

יושה (Yosh) said...

lol @ the bash. Similar to my last club outing...looked like all the men were horny and just wanted to get laid, the dancefloor was dry self. *hiss* We'd just hope when your own party comes, we won't spill drinks on u as we are trying to gbadun d gorgeousness amongst us.

Simply Gorgeous said...

@lurlar- You are making me laugh...


@Ide- Where in my whole article did you hear me say Nigerian men and lame lines..I did not say it so you cannot find it....


So Ide you want to see my fineness,abi? There are so many times that I felt the urge to post my photo, but I have lost my nerve so many times... and here I stand not posting anything , not even a eye, a leg, lips- nothing. Maybe you will be lucky one day to see Simply Gorgeous...(smile)

Simply Gorgeous said...

@Yosh- that is why I called them hornballs in the beginning....

Are you trying to be funny?Yes, I do not want anyone spilling drinks on me I hate to get wet. (mischevious smile)

AN IBO DUDE'S CORNER said...

u must be hotter than sola cos we not know if she was harrased like u. wierd thots.
nice blog though. keep it up

Pink-satin said...

lame lines..........but then u must have been looking so hot ..thus d harrasement

exschoolnerd said...

you have come here to spoil my name...just tell us u wanted us to know ur hot...not that i believe anyways...simply worwor...post a pikshur..u deserve every guy that chatted u up.

Ugo Daniels said...

Oh! dear, they wanted to eat you up wit their eyes. I bet some of them even stripped yu naked, mentally of course...lol!

But seriously, i would personally wanna see wat yu look like. Ok? Yu can hit me up 'in private'...haha.

Wats da story about Yosh needing a wife? Konji dey worry am too much.

@Yosh, if you want, i can offload one of my stalkers on you. I get dem plenty, even married women in 9ja...are yu game?

Snuffleupagus said...

So very funny. Made me laugh. But I think you are hard on these poor guys. It takes a lot, I think, for a guy to approach a woman and try his luck.

You are clearly gorgeous - that's all! Take it as a complimen and tell them thanks but no thanks... Or is that not enough to get rid of a Nigerian man...? ha ha

Simply Gorgeous said...

@an ibo dude- you have to wait for part 2 to see whta happened to sola she is a hot mess...


@pink-satin- you know I had to represent...(smile)

@Ex- I am always contemplating posting a picture, maybe an eye, leg, my beautiful dental set...but I don't want anymore stalkers...I already have you..(laughing)

@Ugo-what private business are you talking about...what is Nkem #(smile)

Yes we have to find Yosh a wife...see Ex how she plays with Yosh's emotions...yes put the word out an next in blogville history...




@Snuffy-(smiling withmy peraly whites) Thankyou for the compliments. I think Nigerian men are very persistent and aggressive. One followed me for miles before he would leave me alone. Somewomen like the chase but I am not one of them...

ineffable said...

y'all are hilarious wackos!...lol

יושה (Yosh) said...

Ugo...lmao@ konji! Unleash d web and let's see what's in your arsenal!

@SG: Trying to be funny? Well, your gorgeousness leaves room for almost, almost anything, so...u can't help it when we ogle and lose control...

TaureanMinx said...

WAT-A-VAGABOND! Lol, how could he have bitten so hard? Anyhooooooo SG please can you take me along next time? Thanks

ExcitedJade said...

Welcome back...Bimbylads nko,
LOL @ r u a model? some guys r just not it.

Idemili said...

You didn't say it but Lurlar did. The first comment? Ah-ah SG, don't tell me you can't see!

Nilla said...

lol @ your married.

RE: The Nigerian man that bit his wife's lips

GROSS!!!

How are you Missy?
I haven't been here forever.

Ugo Daniels said...

So, where's da pic of you nah. Why are yu askin me about Nkem, She's safe, dont yu worry! *wink wink*

btw, do have a fab weekend!

catwalq said...

no I did not hear about the biter...

i guess it must be nice to always be stalked when u go out. me thinks i average on a scale of one to ten about a 5.5 response depends on the effort i put into it. my lifestyle does not leave much room for trying...

But some guys can be disgos o. Do u know dat in DC sometimes they shoot at girls if they do not respond to their cat calls from their cars?

Simply Gorgeous said...

@ineffiable-Sometimes I do think we are a little out there.


@Yosh- thanks for the comment Mr. Yosh. By the what I think I know your boss...


@T-Minx- I would gladly take you with me... the more the merrier...

@excited jade-you are very funny...


@Idemili- I will give you lashes today... Just tellme how many you want..(smile)


Nilla- I am doing superb babe...the weather is making me feel great..90's you can't beath that...



@Ugo- why are you such a perv?I will come to your site very soon too harass you...


@Catwalq- that is serious catwalq. Here, no shooting just beer bottles and insults. You gotta love New York (smile)....

יושה (Yosh) said...

Know my boss?! How would u know and where'd u have met him? Hmmmm :) We r getting closer to unraveling this mystery...soon, soon-ish! :)

Simply Gorgeous said...

Not your boss, your teacher at the seminar you went to.
Normunds Rustanovičs said he was your teacher. Know him?

londonnaijachic said...

i sometimes wonder why gus come up with lamelines. whatever happened to saying hello and striking up a meaningful conversation? you must have been lookin extra hot to gain all these attention oh!

diary of a G said...

If it was me
I'd approach you
like
yo what you looking at?
you can't handle me...
and walk off

chidi said...

oh my gawd! a guy bit off his wife's lips just because she called him short?? What sort of person is he? Is it her fault that he is short? And for the naija guyz (who r in niaja), they do have bad chat up lines. i was not suprised by his answers to you.

Jadedjune said...

ok.....part 2 of the story???.......

יושה (Yosh) said...

Oh? Normunds, huh? Well, that was my first time of meeting him. He's one of the trainers at that seminar i attended...

Noice...small world, ehn!

omohemi Benson said...

I agree with Idemili, lame lines is not peculiar to country.

Please do make you update us with part 2 o!

Exschoolnerd, cheating ke!tufiakwa!

Uzo said...

He bit her lip off cos she called him short?

Cheetarah said...

Simply in the lion den o!lol! lol@ the lame lines, guys sef! I always get the ones that quote lyrics unfortunately for them I always catch them as I can tell them the next line,lol!


@LNC see u hea, minwhile no update? wea are u jare?

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

lmao@ the man who bit off his wifes lip.. sounds not nigerian at all... and only for calling him short.. dang... but the wife self.. didnt she realize before they got married that he has razor teeth? lmao. lol@ those men and their lines... dang!!! when tminx dey come d party... i dey follow... simply gorgeous na you biko!

Naija Vixen said...

Lol....lines kwa...they just dont quit!

Calabar Gal said...

Those lines were lame no be small. LOL!!

Kafo said...

lol

pele

mayb it was the place you ladies decided to hang out because seriously if someone used those lines on mii i would burst out laughing immediately.

The Pseudo-Independent said...

this is just too funny and hope to see you around. :) lol
@lurlar your yoruba is very hot lol :)

bimbylads said...

hi dear, i missed u gaan ni, so u think u are really simply gawjus ehn? that everyone is staring at u? ok, i beleive u small!!

did u miss me? i know u did...

Waffarian said...

Abeg, men can be really dry.... sometimes I wonder how they don't get bored with themselves! heheheh, a man bit his wife's lips? Damnnnnnnnnnnn, if na me, his balls will have "punctures" by the time I am through with him!

temmy tayo said...

You should have slapped him. I hate guys that fill in blank spaces. Ish...

Ugo Daniels said...

@Temmytayo, slap him ke. Haba nah!

Anyhooooos, SG, you berra show face here now and update before i send in my army of blog polimen after yu.

Which kain nonsense be this?LOL!

Simply Gorgeous said...

@To all - sorry I have been away too long, but I promise tomorrow I will update. I have been hustling and bustling still trying to prepare for my trip.